Beginnings

I've decided to start a blog so I can capture the experience of changing my life.  I have started the 12 week body transformation so I can get the help and support I need to lose weight and live the life of my dreams from this day on.  This is not a diet for me, it's not a 12 week program, it's not something I am going to try out.  This is my life.  More than anything, I never want to have to lose weight like this again.  I never want to go shopping in the fat section again.  I never want to see a beautiful dress and wish I could wear something like that.  I never want to be stuck in the rut of bad food, no moving, bad feeling, paralysed, bad food, no moving, bad feeling, paralysed cycle ever again.  I don't want to constantly self sabotage myself and drag myself down into feeling not worthy and not deserving.

This is what I want and what I choose:
This is my life and i CAN choose
I choose to lose weight
I choose to treat myself with respect
I choose to feed my body with love
I choose to treat my body with love
I can lose weight and keep it off
I choose to feel light and free and strong and capable
I choose to play not sit
I am responsible for my actions today
It's not all or nothing
I choose to listen to my body and honour it - no giving up
I choose to make a new momentum for my life  

I have this up on my fridge.  Everytime I read it I feel a little bit stronger and a little more motivated.  To know I can choose gives me all the power I need to choose love.  It gives me all the power I need to hear the fear and take control. 

This leads me to an explanation - why the title?  In my life, I noticed that I have a natural capacity to lead others.  I am happy to take responsibility for jobs that need to be done and do them well.  I love to be the leader of my family.  I take my responsibility as a parent very seriously.  I want the very best for my son, I want him to grow into a good man - a strong, healthy, happy, good man.  So I take the lead in setting limits and making sure he eats well, loves well and is well loved.    The problem seems to be, I have not been that leader for myself.  I haven't taken responsibility for meeting my own needs, I haven't taken responsibility in making sure I am well loved and that I love myself well.  I need to step up, I am the one who needs to do this and most importantly I can.  I can lead myself to the life I want and deserve.  I can unburden myself from the pain of my past and lead myself to my future.  There is no-one else that can do it for me, right?  So that's what I'm doing.  I'm stepping up, for me. 

Ha, that feels so good to write.  I almost feel like jumping up out of my seat with a big WOOOOT!  It's been such a long road to this point.  I've been trying to break out of my paralysis for change for about a year now.  I've been talking about it and thinking about it and wishing for it to happen, but I was stuck.  I am so thankful to my wonderful friend Donna for being brave enough to sign up for this program and start talking about it.  I was totally inspired by her movement in the direction of change.  It offered me an opportunity to get unstuck, and here I am. 

It's day 5 and I am so excited.  Each time I go to the gym, I am beaming with joy as I burn the calories and I have visions of the fat melting off my body.  I am enjoying every meal - they are full of flavour and my body sings with delight at being fed nutritious and delicious meals.  I am tracking my calories in and out and I really feel that part of the process is going to keep me on track and honest. 

I lost 1.7kg in the Week 1 weigh in, and I find that astonishing.  It was such an amazing motivator - it really is working, there are results, this can really happen.  When I set my goals at the beginning it all seemed so abstract and I wondered if it really was possible.  Now, I am absolutely sure that I will hit my target for this round and I will keep going and I will lose a minimum of 30kg. 

This is my mission:
To never be this size again!  To step into being the woman I want to be.  To be the leader for MY life.
I commit to my goal of losing 35kg within the next 12 months.  I will stick to the food and exercise plan and tackle this journey one day at a time, one week at a time, one month at a time.
I will be organised and prioritise MY needs.  I will make and take the time I need to exercise and shop and cook to make this happen.