I've had a day where I have felt really hungry and more tempted to eat food that doesn't serve me than any other day since I have started the 12 week challenge. I'm just going to put it out there - I reckon it's just an emotional backlash from the blog I wrote last night.
It's a big thing to lay my life out like I have done in this blog. I am usually a very private person and only share my inner understandings and experiences with those very close to me. I have taken on the challenge of a public blog to challenge some of the fear that locks those experiences away and therefore locks me away. I want to be my real self, and to do that, I need to be and show the different dimensions of myself, not in a way that asks or expects of anyone else, but just to be seen. It's a way for me to trust that I can be ALL of me all of the time. I don't need to hide or morph myself into what I think others expect me to be. I just need to be me. Sharing my journey gives me strength and may even give someone else some too.
There does seem to be a bit of a consequence though - when I do it, I struggle with the vulnerability. My fear really kicks up a notch and that is why today I am craving the food I used to use to numb myself and hide. I went to the football this afternoon and I wanted to eat pies and hot chips. I wanted to eat the chocolate biscuits that my son ate. I looked at the calorie count on the biscuits and one was 87 cals. I could have fit it into my calories for the day, but that's not the point. I'm not doing this for the maths. I'm doing this to feed myself well. To give my body the food that serves it, that makes it sing with delight. So I didn't have a biscuit. I didn't fold into my cravings, I honoured my body today.
And instead of doing more of that craving, I'm writing here. Today I feel a little crap and that's totally fine. Today my guard was lowered, and that is totally fine. Today I held my ground, and that is bloody awesome. I might just be able to kick all of these old habits yet!
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